I'm spending today alone (other than when I go in for class) because Steve and I broke up in late January. We had too many differences for things to continue.
On top of this, today my nephew is going to talk to a detective because on Friday he revealed that another student sexually assaulted him while the teacher was doing... not her job. It's so bad, he has a staph infection. I'm just trying to keep chugging along, but I'm very angry in general lately. I don't know how to resolve my feelings towards what happened to him; I was so sure he would escape anything similar to what my sisters and I endured, and now he has to deal with a situation similar to what we had to deal with. And he's only 5. It makes me want to punch someone in the face.
I am so happy right now.
I'm 10 kinds of stressed over school and income, but I'm keeping up with that as best as a sick person can.
But it doesn't matter, because I found a guy who gets all my twisted humor and can give it right back, has some of the most loyal friends I've ever seen (who actually like me), is smart, is going places, is cuddly, and isn't afraid of a long-term commitment.
I keep picturing where we will be in a year, and five, and I get excited. I could say where we "might" be, but I really think he's the one.
I shot him down a few times before we actually started dating. See, he's 20, and I have this rule about not dating younger guys under 5'10. Plus I was kinda seeing someone else at the time.
But he was persistent, and the more I hung out with him, the better I liked him. But I was still hung up on the age thing, so in August, when he asked me out again, I turned to him and said "I want kids in four years, and marriage. Is that something you REALLY want when you are 24?"
As I said it, I wanted to take them back. Realistically, I won't be ready to have kids in 4 years. It was me being defensive, because I've been burned, because he was younger. Yet a couple of weeks later, he turned to me and said "I don't know where I'll be in four years, or what I want. But I do know I want you in my life."
My heart melted, and with that, we started dating. And things could NOT be any better.
When I was sick, he and his friends made me homemade soup. When he went away this weekend, he left me his dorm keys, in case I wanted a quiet place to go (and he'll be coming back to a clean room with clean dishes, sheets and laundry as a surprise). One night when me, him, and his best friend had a little too much to drink, we set up a tent and a rainbow flag in his other friend's room. He makes me smile, he makes me laugh, and he makes me feel loved. Hell, we're even going away together, well, together with his friends, to Colbert at the end of the month.
So that is the story of how I am in love with Steve Lamica, and how I found out that dropping the shallow regulations of dating I set forth for myself is, indeed, a great thing. I am convinced this is only the beginning.
So I woke up this morning and checked my bank account. It was in the red, and I'm all like "WTF Where did my $2400 go?" So I looked for my card. It was gone. And there were all these charges for jewelery, and for Wal-Mart.
So I did what any self-respecting person would do.
I cried and called my mommy. I went down to the police station and filed a report. The officer was REALLY courteous. But then she's all like, "If you don't hear from the detective in a week, call us." Huh? A week? That's too long. So I called Wal-Mart, where some of the goods were purchased, and spoke with Nick, the ASM. Brought up that card had "See ID" written on the back, and clearly, no one did. He said that they would retrain all of their employees, he was so very sorry, and would review the tapes to find out who did it. He called me back an hour later, told me that the security people had reviewed the tapes and would make me a DVD with the perps on it. It was two african american males, a white male, and a heavyset african american female. Oh, and a red car, they got that too. I decide Nick is full of win.
I then call up a website where some jewelery was charged. The nice man who answered the phone provided me with a house shipping address, and a billing address, in addition to a name where the goods were to be shipped. I thanked him, and pulled up the addresses on Google maps. In front of one of the houses sat the same car Nick had described to me on the tapes. We have a winner.
So tomorrow, I am picking up the DVD and dropping the address off to the police. I fully expect to hear that arrests will be made tomorrow, but maybe that's too optimistic.
You're welcome, Troy PD. Now just cuff those scummers and get em off the street!
On the topic of my last note..
I'm going to ask my uncle this as well, but what immunizations should I have before I go over to Asia? Any customs beyond not touching heads, or pointing feet at people, I should be aware of? What's the preferred way to spend money- should I bring traveler's cheques, or rely on cash?
So much to think about.. my brain is spinning!
In light of all of my health problems lately, I am resigning my position at my job sometime within the next couple of weeks to focus on myself, and school. It's just too overwhelming to have to worry about so many things at once. But there is a bright side.
If my health allows, I will be going to Asia from June 26 to August 20. The itinerary includes North Vietnam, Laos, China, Cambodia, and Laos. Some of it will be by foot; some of it, by train; some of it, by plane; I will be arriving in ShangHai with my uncle Tom, and we will depart from Bangcock. I will finally get to meet his boyfriend of two years, who resides in Cambodia!
I've been saying I need a vacation, but this beats it all. It may very well be my last chance in life to do it, so I am seizing the opportunity and going.
I'm going to expand a bit on a facebook update I made earlier. For many, many years, I struggled with mental illness; I was never satisfied with my life, and I always felt like I could do more, but for one reason or another, I didn't, I couldn't, do what I needed to in order to get better.
Early this year, a change started to come over me. I decided that I would go back to school, and get the degree that I wanted; that I would make more of an effort to treat myself better, and that I would figure out, prioritize, and work towards what I needed to be happy. I thought I wouldn't see any improvements until I actually achieved what I wanted, but within weeks, I was feeling better.
In late spring, I was assessed over an extended period of time by a psychologist at my request, and told that I no longer meet the qualifications for bipolar disorder, or even depression. I was, in a few words, now among the ranks of the "sane". I had overcome something that most medical professionals said could not be overcome, and that created a sense of being capable of anything.
Over the course of the year, I was able to reconnect with old friends (Jo!), make new ones (Kate! and a few others), and travel more than I ever have in a year, going all over the Northeast and even up to Canada a few times! I rediscovered a love of driving and the independence that it gives me, and became more comfortable behind the wheel in all types of weather than most veteran drivers are. I've learned to look in the mirror and love what I see, and the joy of looking nice for work, an outing or even a trip to the store. I've also rediscovered my love of karaoke, and found a new love of fine wine. I've also discovered that a ton of fun can be had without relying on getting absolutely shitty, and that sometimes the best moments in life are those we experience with perfect clarity. I've become confident and secure in a way that's allowed me to bloom beyond anything I ever expected for myself.
I'm not where I want to be yet, and it's still going to be a journey to get there. But I have something now that is more important than anything else: hope. I can honestly say for the first time in my life that I've been happy for a while, and that I can maintain that with relative ease from here on in, as long as l keep my head up, and faith in myself.
So based on these assessments, I've come up with the New Years resolutions: 1) Keep doing what I'm doing. 2) Continue to assess areas of my life that can be improved. 3) Improve them. 4) Enjoy the year, and travel more!
OMG.. so I started working out an hour a day, and have been eating 1,000 calories a day.. NO more soda.. cut out most of the sodium.. less drinking.. and since Sunday I've dropped from 142 to...
All the weight I gained from being laid up is GONE. I've not only regained my progress, but made more. I even had to put off corset shopping, since I don't wanna buy one and have it be too big in a month.
This gets me SO much closer to weighing 125 by mid-august. My final goal is to get to, and maintain, between 108-110 lbs. I've been looking at old pictures from college as an incentive, and to remind me of what I looked like when I was healthy.
I'm gonna go work out now, but this is totally awesome!
Warning: Lots of updates ahead
So I saw my ex-fiance and his new wifey last night when I was out making conversation with cute guys. I wanted to drop kick him in the face, but resisted; however, I am taking comfort in the fact that he has gotten even fatter than I have (and at least I'm LOSING weight now), and that eventually, someone will find out about his side philanderings with men and/or that little swinging group/porn business he runs in addition to his middle school teaching job and there will go his wonderful life. Karma is beautiful like that, or so I'm told, so I'll just have some faith.
I'd also like to note how awesome I looked when I saw him, and that I kept my composure and didn't say a word to him. Score one for me.
On the plus side of things: For a while, we thought my mother had PML, a life-threatening bacteria that basically very quickly eats the brain and ends in death within 6-12 months. Doctors have now come to the conclusion that while my mother is NOT well, it is not PML, which is great.
The house is in foreclosure since my uncle decided to stop paying the mortgage, but the earliest of stages, so we had a realtor come look at it last night to see if it might be worth selling before the foreclosure happens. The house was asssessed at 239,900 years ago by the town. The realtor last night assessed it at a whopping 400k, which means that now we actually have the option of either selling it for what it owed, or more (thus helping my uncle avoid a major credit hit), or maybe even staying in it, if we can figure it out. Either way, things are not looking grim on that front at all right now, although even if it was foreclosed on in a worse-case scenario, I'm certain my family would make the best of it, as they always do.
I'm apartment-hunting myself now, trying to get out and get my own space. While the whole financial aid mess at school kind of put a hitch in that, it just means that I can stay at my job longer and add another semester to school, which means cramming fewer classes into each semester in the end. I rocked out my class with an A average, so I'll do school part-time again in the fall and work FT, although getting an apartment will mean that I'll also need to take an evening or weekend job for additional income. But having my own space again would make it seem worth it; I'm not loving my living arrangements now, but I have no right to complain because it's better than being homeless.
Love-life, things are the same as usual. After a month of not seeing each other, I broke up with Jim, because if I wanted to never see my BF, I'd do long-distance again. It was mutual in the end though; frankly, I can only assume he lost interest in me, since he had a bunch of time but chose to spend it with others. Not the end of my world, for as the saying goes, there are many fish in the sea.
On a final note, I was discharged from therapy last week, on the condition that I call if I ever need to talk. This is huge for me; I have been reliant on medication and therapy my whole life, and to have a therapist tell me that not only am I not in need of any medications as I've managed to stabilize my moods myself, but to also suggest that I no longer *need* therapy, means that I have really come quite far on my own. I may even for right now be free of the stigma of bi-polar and depression, as neither has heavily afflicted me in more than 8 months, a long period to go without a single occurrance.
Either way, it's huge progress towards my goal of leading a normal, healthy life, and I am grateful for that.
Anyways, yeah, that''s the update. More to come soon, I'm sure!